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yinshubackuphow do you comfort someone who has made up their mind to be miserable?
how much trying is an indigo child required to do before she could be well within her rights to say, "you are hopeless"?
How do you make someone see that Love does not equal Posession....? ....That what they believe is love may actually be a more fear-based emotion instead?
Loved ones are not objects to be held in the hand and put on a shelf, to be let out only on special occasions like fine silverware or crystal goblets...
Love is not fearful; Love and Fear are polar opposites.
Of course both can exist within the same person, and cognitive dissonance is not easy to live with.
But in case you've become confused by the swirling of your head and heart, here are a few things Love is, and a few things It is not, so you may recognize it when you feel it:
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is vulnerablity.
Love is freeing.
Love is placing another's well-being above your own.
Love is not possession; possession stems from the Ego's attempt at self-preservation.
Love is not jealousy; it is not rooted in fear of abandonment.
Love is not even desire; desire is rooted in the ego, while Love enables you to think and feel un-Self-ishly. Remember that the Buddha taught desire is the root of all suffering.
Love is not micro-management; just because you really feel that you care deeply about someone, does not give you the right to plan someone else's life for them. Protecting them from getting hurt all the time, or keeping them from leaving your presence, is ultimately for YOUR peace of mind, not theirs. Recognize that those are Self-ish sentiments, and fall under the category of ego-preservation (see possession). We all learn from living life; do not presume to take that opportunity away from someone.
And what is Self, in the face of real Love? Nothing.
If you Love someone, let them go fly; if they come back, wonderful. If they don't-- consider the reason. Would you clip the wings of the very one whose beauty in flight inspired you to this Love? Are they safe? Are they happy? Then let go, and let your Love for them set your heart at peace.
And if, in regard to the person you "love", you find your own Self constantly in the way, like you just can't get past the "but what about me?" aspect-- then (and I hate to be harsh here, but I can't think of anyway else to say this):
you need to work on your own Self-ishness as a personal problem, or (if you're pretty sure it's not about that)
you don't really Love them (and that's actually okay, once you recognize it, you can do something about it),
or you think you Love them but it is a psychically draining relationship because they are not Loving you back,
in which case, grow some balls (or ask for help) and get outta there, or resign yourself to your chosen souldeath and shutthefrellup.
When real Love is in the heart, it shines out and multiplies in the world surrounding that person, a universal "sparkly" beacon that manifests returns according to the law of 3, instant karma, whatever you want to call it. When you are a Loving person, you can never be truly lonely or lost because people are attracted to you by the sense of comfort they find in your presence.
But I am beginning to despair that you ever knew real Love, or that you did once, but it is long forgotten, cast aside in favor of a manipulated peace of mind.
Look, Love IS disturbing....and wonderful.
How can I ever make you see? The truth is, because I Love you, I can't. You will have to see for yourself. I pray you will soon.
Until then, I will keep trying to help balance you when I can, and let you learn your own lessons at your own pace.
how much trying is an indigo child required to do before she could be well within her rights to say, "you are hopeless"?
How do you make someone see that Love does not equal Posession....? ....That what they believe is love may actually be a more fear-based emotion instead?
Loved ones are not objects to be held in the hand and put on a shelf, to be let out only on special occasions like fine silverware or crystal goblets...
Love is not fearful; Love and Fear are polar opposites.
Of course both can exist within the same person, and cognitive dissonance is not easy to live with.
But in case you've become confused by the swirling of your head and heart, here are a few things Love is, and a few things It is not, so you may recognize it when you feel it:
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is vulnerablity.
Love is freeing.
Love is placing another's well-being above your own.
Love is not possession; possession stems from the Ego's attempt at self-preservation.
Love is not jealousy; it is not rooted in fear of abandonment.
Love is not even desire; desire is rooted in the ego, while Love enables you to think and feel un-Self-ishly. Remember that the Buddha taught desire is the root of all suffering.
Love is not micro-management; just because you really feel that you care deeply about someone, does not give you the right to plan someone else's life for them. Protecting them from getting hurt all the time, or keeping them from leaving your presence, is ultimately for YOUR peace of mind, not theirs. Recognize that those are Self-ish sentiments, and fall under the category of ego-preservation (see possession). We all learn from living life; do not presume to take that opportunity away from someone.
And what is Self, in the face of real Love? Nothing.
If you Love someone, let them go fly; if they come back, wonderful. If they don't-- consider the reason. Would you clip the wings of the very one whose beauty in flight inspired you to this Love? Are they safe? Are they happy? Then let go, and let your Love for them set your heart at peace.
And if, in regard to the person you "love", you find your own Self constantly in the way, like you just can't get past the "but what about me?" aspect-- then (and I hate to be harsh here, but I can't think of anyway else to say this):
you need to work on your own Self-ishness as a personal problem, or (if you're pretty sure it's not about that)
you don't really Love them (and that's actually okay, once you recognize it, you can do something about it),
or you think you Love them but it is a psychically draining relationship because they are not Loving you back,
in which case, grow some balls (or ask for help) and get outta there, or resign yourself to your chosen souldeath and shutthefrellup.
When real Love is in the heart, it shines out and multiplies in the world surrounding that person, a universal "sparkly" beacon that manifests returns according to the law of 3, instant karma, whatever you want to call it. When you are a Loving person, you can never be truly lonely or lost because people are attracted to you by the sense of comfort they find in your presence.
But I am beginning to despair that you ever knew real Love, or that you did once, but it is long forgotten, cast aside in favor of a manipulated peace of mind.
Look, Love IS disturbing....and wonderful.
How can I ever make you see? The truth is, because I Love you, I can't. You will have to see for yourself. I pray you will soon.
Until then, I will keep trying to help balance you when I can, and let you learn your own lessons at your own pace.
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Well said......
Date: 2004-01-14 12:10 am (UTC)>^..^
no subject
Date: 2004-01-14 08:05 am (UTC)huh?
Date: 2004-01-14 09:48 am (UTC)well...shee-it. I actually wrote this with my mother in mind, who has been going off the handle lately about my father (though she will bitch and moan to me about it, when i tell her to divorce him and find some peace of mind, it suddenly becomes all about the money and she can't see past it to free herself-- then tries to tell me she's going to try and make things work with him emotionally)
and she's also being extremely jealous and possesive of my time and presence, and my brother and sister's lives. Since I've been home, I've seen non-blood-family friend-type people exactly 5 times.
In like 4 weeks.
Because I'm "abandoning the family" and I'm "never home" (even though I've spent almost every waking moment with them since I've been here- I didn't even get a job, just so I could spend more 'quality time' over the holidays with them).
But I don't have any function here except to be the constant shadow at her side, because if I'm not right there she gets upset.
But it's not like she really wants my input. She just wants to talk at me. And I quote: "I don't want your opinion, I just want your help. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." (By "help" she means "stand there and be my wall to talk to" and by "opinion" she means "opening your mouth with any thoughtful comment at all").
Another night, when I mentioned the car needed gas so I was going to fill it up on my way somewhere, she stopped me in my tracks before I left the house, telling me exactly what gas station to go to, exactly what streets to take to get there (out of 4 or 5 possible options I already knew) and exactly WHAT LANE TO DRIVE IN, so that I could turn into a specific driveway (there were two) and turn back out into a specific lane of traffic (and no, traffic-wise there wasn't a specific reason for it; this was just the way she would have done it, and so she wanted me to do it that way).
I know she cares about my safety, but jesus, woman.
She wasn't even going to be in the car with me. I'm going to be 22 next month, and I'm getting a little tired of being treated like I'm 16.
And more tired of her confusion of being jealous, naggy, possesive, needy, and nit-picking with symptoms of actual love and caring. She thinks she's such a martyr, but she really drives everyone else crazy and nobody appreciates (s)mothering they don't need.
And since no one is holding her to her long-suffering way of life except her own self, we're all (my dad, my siblings, and I) tired of hearing her whine about it.
Anyway, i'm rambling, and what i mean to say is, if this entry spoke to you, great, but...err, that was not it's sole purpose?
Re: huh?
Date: 2004-01-14 10:24 am (UTC)the misunderstanding, of course, stems from the fact that we haven't been keeping in very good touch. so part of what i was saying stands, i guess.
your mother sounds a lot like mine ... as far as my dad goes, but we've been over that before. it also makes me sick ... so sick that i try to just not deal with it.
Re: huh?
Date: 2004-01-14 10:10 pm (UTC)