yinshubackup | Plum... tuckered out.

So tired today.
Got up, went to class, hung around, skipped my next class. I'm so sick of this. I just want to quit. I am tired of it here. I'm tired of being grateful for 2 days of nice weather. I don't care about my classes; it's really hard to motivate myself.
I'm tired of living in a false world where the "homes" we live in are fake and full of strangers,and we're all babysat by the administration, where the cost of living is falsely inflated because of the captive audience of assumedly rich kids, yet the only jobs to be had pay barely better than minimum wage, so I am considering taking on a 3rd job just to keep paying my bills.

I just want to get on with my real life.

I want to have my own place to live, where I can keep my own kitchen and bathroom stocked with stuff I'm not afraid others will steal, because, well, it's my kitchen, and my bathroom. Where I don't have to wear shoes in the shower. Where I don't find random piss on the floor or human feces in the bathtub because some drunk fucker thought it'd be funny.
I want my own job, that allows me time-off mandated by law, with a real salary, even hourly wages, as long as they're relatively dependable. Even something around $20,000/yr. would help me pay my monthly bills, pay off my credit cards, buy my weekly groceries... I'm not a spendthrift or extravagant person as a rule. I have splurged on purchases before, but usually I try to find a more cost-effective way of getting what I need done, done, because that's the way I was raised. I'm not too high-n-mighty to go garage sale-ing. I whittled my $700 worth of books this term down to around $350, almost a 50% savings.
I wanna do faire again. I miss it so bad. I have fabric in boxes at home that my mother is threatening to throw out, which I have full costumes planned for, that I haven't been able to touch since I left. I miss practicing the piano. I used to be good, go to competitions. 4 years of not practicing has let that all go to waste.
I miss drawing, and painting, and writing for pleasure, and reading for pleasure, doing artistic stuff. I feel like I've put myself on pause while my body goes and does this other thing, my brain applying itself to all manner of alien ideas and foreign concepts...
This is my 4th year of school; for many of my peers, this will be their senior semester. They'll graduate, go out, get shitty first jobs being office gophers or begging around for research grants or whatever, but they'll be having the time of their lives, on their shoestring budgets in their cramped little apartments, heady with the first taste of real life, not the "freedom" you think you've acquired when you escape your family as a college freshman, but the big, scary, fuck-it-up-and-you-lose-for-real, succeed-and-you'll-be-golden rush of reality.
My problem is, I have senioritis too, I guess, only I'm stuck here for a while. I'm just all out of give-a-shit, as someone famous once said.
That's it. I've had it.
Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Side note to (you know who you are): I've been/ I'll continue to be writing a lot more in my other journal from now on. You can find me there, if you really want to.