Cappuccino....
Mar. 5th, 2004 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yinshubackupFeeling buzzy and dyslexic today. Lots of studying to do, really irregular sleep schedule. Yeah. Did caffiene this morning for the first time in a long while. I feel it buzzing in my bones. Tall "french roast". Smelled good, but tasted burned. Yech, the coffee at this school is so bad. How do you ruin coffee so badly? When I ate lunch, my hands were shaking. Wow, how was I ever so blind to this reaction before? But I'm awake! Oh yesyesyes I am, even though I got four hours sleep last night and was planning on being asleep right now since classes are over and my weekend has officially begun. But I can't sleep now because I am too awake, and besides, I should probably do some work since I have two prelims next week.
At least this reinforces that I have done the right thing, cutting caffiene out of my diet as much as possible. I don't think I've had a red bull all semester (thank goodness). I have had one starbucks canned doubleshot (espresso). yick, canned espresso.
What I really like is two shots of fresh brewed espresso in a highball glass full of crushed ice and filled the rest of the way with half-n-half or whole milk, no sugar.
Smoky, creamy, icy, and yummy. mmm. (oh, and fattening. yesh. but I'll conveniently ignore that part. Besides, I haven't had one since last summer.)
There is a actually a freshman here, a transfer student like me... I helped him get in, coached him the night before his interview with the deans. Like me, he was terribly nervous. Like me, he was innocent and starry eyed. Like me, he foolishly took a heavy load of courses his first semester here, and like me, he is living in hell (the transfer center).
Also, sadly like me, I see him late at night at the library every night I work, with his backpack and his red bull or doubleshot or sobe adrenaline rush, and his hunched shoulders and the dead-tired look in his eyes- that "i'm-too-exhausted-to-think--what-did-i-need-to-do-next-again?-duhhh" look on his face. The few times I've gone to the late-night, 24 hr. library to study into the wee hours, he's there, popping another red bull, still sitting like a stone, staring at the computer screen, at 3:30 am when I leave.
He is me, and I feel his pain. I try to help him whenever I can, calm his fears, assure him that things will get better. Grades are not everything, I tell him.
Get some sleep.
He shakes his head with my trademark exhausted-sad smile, unable to see the forest for the trees.
Today he had his first financial accounting exam. Like me, he was running around, freaking out, trying to study till the last minute, and failing because his mind was too skitter-scatter all over the place with stress-fritzyness. I wanted to laugh, or hug him, I don't know which. I remember that exam. uggh. I hated that class.
I take stock of my own life, and notice that, really, as bad as things can be here, it is not as bad as it was. I'm starting to find my niche, starting to build friendships and memories here. I'm starting to make some closer friends who I think I'd be likely to keep in touch with for career purposes. Also, working 2 jobs has it's advantages- I'm getting to know a lot of people, especially from my library job, because every time someone hands me their card to check books in or out, I get to put their name nd face together. People are getting to know me, and say hi in the halls, and come ask me for help on homework and stuff. (What weirds me out is when upperclassmen ask me for help on classes I haven't even taken yet, and I have to remind them, "sorry, I don't know".) I got invited to 3 parties this weekend (not that I'll probably end up going, but still), and bought tickets to Pao Banghra (an Intercollegiate Indian Dance show/competition) for tomorrow night.
I live in a place I identify with as "home" (or as close to it as I could expect to have up here), I sleep more (hah, relatively), do less caffiene, take more time to hang out with friends, and realized Cornell (tm) is just another product I am buying, so I'm taking the "Am I a satisfied customer?" approach. I care less about grades and classes, and more about whether I'm learning and having a good time. Which, arguably, could be not-so-great, but in terms of sanity, it's wonderful.
I hope freshman boy will stick around long enough to realize that it does get better, once you start to hit your stride.
On a comPLETely different note:
Two people I have been thinking 'bout lately are![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nerilka and writewench. I know both of you have been going through some...err, stressful situations... and I want you to know I love you both and I've been sending good energy vibes your way.
At least this reinforces that I have done the right thing, cutting caffiene out of my diet as much as possible. I don't think I've had a red bull all semester (thank goodness). I have had one starbucks canned doubleshot (espresso). yick, canned espresso.
What I really like is two shots of fresh brewed espresso in a highball glass full of crushed ice and filled the rest of the way with half-n-half or whole milk, no sugar.
Smoky, creamy, icy, and yummy. mmm. (oh, and fattening. yesh. but I'll conveniently ignore that part. Besides, I haven't had one since last summer.)
There is a actually a freshman here, a transfer student like me... I helped him get in, coached him the night before his interview with the deans. Like me, he was terribly nervous. Like me, he was innocent and starry eyed. Like me, he foolishly took a heavy load of courses his first semester here, and like me, he is living in hell (the transfer center).
Also, sadly like me, I see him late at night at the library every night I work, with his backpack and his red bull or doubleshot or sobe adrenaline rush, and his hunched shoulders and the dead-tired look in his eyes- that "i'm-too-exhausted-to-think--what-did-i-need-to-do-next-again?-duhhh" look on his face. The few times I've gone to the late-night, 24 hr. library to study into the wee hours, he's there, popping another red bull, still sitting like a stone, staring at the computer screen, at 3:30 am when I leave.
He is me, and I feel his pain. I try to help him whenever I can, calm his fears, assure him that things will get better. Grades are not everything, I tell him.
Get some sleep.
He shakes his head with my trademark exhausted-sad smile, unable to see the forest for the trees.
Today he had his first financial accounting exam. Like me, he was running around, freaking out, trying to study till the last minute, and failing because his mind was too skitter-scatter all over the place with stress-fritzyness. I wanted to laugh, or hug him, I don't know which. I remember that exam. uggh. I hated that class.
I take stock of my own life, and notice that, really, as bad as things can be here, it is not as bad as it was. I'm starting to find my niche, starting to build friendships and memories here. I'm starting to make some closer friends who I think I'd be likely to keep in touch with for career purposes. Also, working 2 jobs has it's advantages- I'm getting to know a lot of people, especially from my library job, because every time someone hands me their card to check books in or out, I get to put their name nd face together. People are getting to know me, and say hi in the halls, and come ask me for help on homework and stuff. (What weirds me out is when upperclassmen ask me for help on classes I haven't even taken yet, and I have to remind them, "sorry, I don't know".) I got invited to 3 parties this weekend (not that I'll probably end up going, but still), and bought tickets to Pao Banghra (an Intercollegiate Indian Dance show/competition) for tomorrow night.
I live in a place I identify with as "home" (or as close to it as I could expect to have up here), I sleep more (hah, relatively), do less caffiene, take more time to hang out with friends, and realized Cornell (tm) is just another product I am buying, so I'm taking the "Am I a satisfied customer?" approach. I care less about grades and classes, and more about whether I'm learning and having a good time. Which, arguably, could be not-so-great, but in terms of sanity, it's wonderful.
I hope freshman boy will stick around long enough to realize that it does get better, once you start to hit your stride.
On a comPLETely different note:
Two people I have been thinking 'bout lately are
nerilka and writewench. I know both of you have been going through some...err, stressful situations... and I want you to know I love you both and I've been sending good energy vibes your way.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-03-05 02:03 pm (UTC)I've started having dreams again, and they're mostly pleasant. Last night I was visiting you at your own little (as in exclusive) ranch-type hotel, and you were taking care of me and cooking me delicious meals and we had a lovely time together. It was somewhere out west (reminded me of Montana), and the scenery was glorious, and your ranch/hotel overlooked a lake, and everything was beautiful. I enjoyed the dream very much, and I thought you might like to hear about it.
Thank you :)
Date: 2004-03-05 03:45 pm (UTC)